It is good to be back to work... what work?

Monday .. darn bloody Monday. Or is it black Monday?

Whatever it is, I am not that happy. Have been in a foul mood for over a week. Tried to overcome this nasty feelings, but it just get me down.

List of my grievances:

1) Lost the keys to my bike. Ermm maybe I will take some pics of me and my bike....

2) People dont understand me, or is it I dont understand people.

3) I am lost at work. Maybe I have been lost most of my time at work. But this time, I am ridiculously lost!

4) Over the weekend saw a monkey and wild cat got hit on the road. Guess these wild animals are lost like me. Will I get hit on the highway of life?

5) Pay cut! It hurts...

6) Love hurts....

7) Lots of broken promises.....

But again... is there a silver lining I am beginning to see... over the horizon??? Ermm maybe....

This life (whatever is left) must goes on....

I am back... gone.. and back again.....

Now I am lost.

Reborn!

What seems to be eternity, is now here.

Maybe I am back? I am not so sure. But these itchy fingers are keen to write again.

Yeah have been missing all of you my dear old friends! Looking forward to make new friends.

Wish me luck.

What a beginning!

2008 has only begun. But it has been rather exciting. However, I feel really bad that I have not been updating my blog. I am further upset that I have not been able to visit my friends blog due to my hectic schedule....... and partly Facebook is to blame! KH sorry.... can you join facebook... so that I can disturb you everyday like usual.

Work front, I am enjoying my new work. I am starting from scratch here. No permanent place yet, yeah actually squatting on some peoples table. But what is important, they gave me a notebook! I can be online.... Hey, they are sending me overseas next week... Really looking forward.

Life front, no movie marathon for a while. Sorry did not have time to update my last marathon, but I think I saw another batch of six movies..... I have been going back home earliest 8 pm daily, and a couple of time beyond 12 midnite. I still have to serve six months of probation at my new work place.

Love front, she is avoiding me. Intentionally, saying I got to concentrate on my new job for MY future, NOT OUR future! Life can indeed be a HUGE test!

Overall, I am please with how 2008 has started for me. A pleasant windfall have fallen on me. Looking forward for more.

My prayers to all my friends that life will be much better for all of us. Till the next time.

A short update.

Well I am on a short break before I resume work in 2008. Have been keeping myself busy playing in Facebook.

Yeah have been busy watching movies too..... on Astro and DVD's. Will update more soon, I hope.

Was on a couple of short holiday trips. Will update some pictures.

Been also attending some funerals.....

Will be attending a wedding tomorrow....

Apologize for not updating and visiting your blogs. I hope will find the time at my new job......

Last, have a great time people, but take care not to be involved in any untoward incidents.

Di Malam Syahdu Mengapai Pelangi.

Mana bintang dan binatang?
Aku lupa gersikan malam
Di situ aral melintang
Impian kini karam.

Hujan rebah membanjiri danau
Melimpah ruah batasan ranjau
Jiwa lemah penuh kacau
Membikin ilmiah fikiran yang sasau!

Mana pelangi?
Di malam sepi....
Mengapai mimpi...
Tanpa mentari
Di malam syahdu ini
Pelangi telah pergi!

Peka ruhani kekeciwaan
Membusut satu harapan
Kecundang menjadi lawan
Meluap sebutir perasaan.

Tunggu sejenak
Hasutan api berpihak
Ada kala tersentak
Perasaan membengkak.

Tunggu lagi
Di malam syahdu ini
Kita mengapai pelangi
Mustahil tidak berperi.

Misteri Pelangi.

Hujan malam menyepi tersisih
Mentari pagi gelap berkabung
Hujan panas mendidih
Mentari sehari suntuk murung.

Gemersik alunan sedu menyinsing
Bagaikan kesepian halimunan malam
Punah madah yang berpaling
Mengubah keheningan alur malam.

Hujan ribut tersentak disiang hari
Menanti....
Pelangi.
Indah sekali.
Penderitaan berakhir kini
Pelangi yang datang dan pergi.

Salah siapa?

Titian usang ku rempuh
Kayu usang yang rapuh
Hanya harapan yang utuh
Dan aku tersungkur jatuh....

Karena jurang terpisah
Hidup muda penuh kerenah
Aku tersadai lemah
Di titian usang berdarah.

Pernah kalian terfikir?
Hancur punah tersingkir
Adakah di sini berakhir?
Penderitaan seorang fakir.

Kelibat haram durjana!
Mercu hina penuh tanda
Kaget halilintar bersuara
Mengugat anak telinga.....

Kini hidup ku sayu
Meratap cinta yang kaku
Memendam rasa keliru
Cinta agung mu kan layu....

Berdosa kah jiwa ini?
Tersentuh meratap diri
Kehilangan rasa di hati
Ghaib di alam misteri
Lenyap sunyi dan sepi
Hanyut dibuai mimpi ngeri.

Berdiri aku di sini lagi
Aku masih seorang diri
Terkenang manis di sisi
Rentapan janggal menuding jari!

Berdiri aku sekali lagi
Mungkin untuk terakhir kali
Pandangan dari satu dimensi
Meledak nanah hati yang benci!

Berdiri aku seketika lagi
Alunan indah bisikan melodi
Indahnya mentari pagi
Lelap hidupku berakhir kini.....

Detik

Titian insan tersergam malap purnama
Penantian kehilangan masa
Keinsafan taklimat dunia
Berapikan pendekatan manusia.

Siapa kata kecundang dusta?
Merana meratap pemergian maya
Insaf insan terkedu bahasa
Melawan badai umpama perkasa.

Atok pernah bermadah
Tenaga cucu perlu dikerah
Wajah rakyat bertukar merah
Perlukah bumi ku pijak berlumuran darah?

Apa itu kesetiaan?
Jika penuh penderitaan
Sudah puas keperitan
Tiba detik satu perjuangan.

Kita leraikan yang kusut
Kehendak Raja kita turut
Kita dermakan harta pesaka
Kepada Raja derhaka
Kita teruskan perjuangan
Untuk Raja bermimpi keagungan......

Aku hentikan detik ini
Bukan kerana benci
Kerana tanahair ku yang suci
Dan suratan takdir ku begini!

Who am I?

Just like the title of a movie not long ago. A Jackie Chan movie if I am not mistaken. Somehow he lost his memory.

Well I did not loose my memory. But there are at times I do not really know who I am? And sometimes, I thought I am that kind of person, but the society sees me differently.

Let me try to remember the words my friends use to describe me:

ENIGMA (I had to open a dictionary to understand the word). I think, he described me that way because I was unpredictable.

A FRIEND. That is how most of my friends described me. Not A GOOD FRIEND, but just A FRIEND.

Other than that I have not heard them describing me anything else. This must be because they do not want to embarrass me or due to my reputation. In my younger days, my reputation supersedes me. One crazy daring young arse!

But to tell you all the truth. I see myself as a loner. Does not need any friends to survive. Done lots of crazy things on my own. Travel all over the world on my own... not all over the world la.... Maybe half of the world....

Not to say I do not have friends. During my teenager years, whenever we need to rumble, there will be at least 20 of my friends ever ready to go to battle. And yet, I felt myself to be alone. Then the only real friend I had was one person that does not speak much, thus I do not feel he is around me.

I grew up a coward. Yes, I should know myself right. So how did I become one with such reputation of daring, brave leader..... ermm... it is only an act... or as I say it a mask we wear in front of others. I do not consider myself brave, but rather stupid. I remembered an incident, 2 against 20 and we went for it! That was not brave, that was suicidally stupid!

For years I only see the negative things about myself. Till I reckon one day, if I do not take care of myself, no one else will. I am a loner most of my life. Well at least I am a happy loner.

I use not to understand when a person could not go to lunch on his own. To me its normal. I can have lunch sitting alone at the table, and it does not bothers me. So many times my friends asked me how I can do that? To me it is a small matter, I am hungry, I eat. Alone or with lots of people, I do not really care.

Another thing that I do not understand when my friends told me, how do I make friends so easily? I never told them, but it is something that I do without even thinking. I can talk with anybody. Simple, if you do not know what to talk about, you listen. I realised not many of us want to listen.....

So now I am building up my good qualities. Yet, who knows what mask we wear everyday? Cheers to all of you, and have a great life!

The sky is falling down.

Hey! Is it raining daily???

How come I feel that the sky is falling down??? Yeah the sky is falling down on me....

P/S: I am still standing.... when I am really down, I will send an S.O.S. When life gets tough... the tough gets going... hehehe... the catch is I am not tough!

When the shit hits the fan.

It has been an eventful week.... hehehe... yeah, I am still alive and standing. Go suck yourself out there who expect me to crumble, fall and die. I will die standing and fighting! Life is so full of surprises....

When it rains they say it really pours! Thus I have been extra busy....

Let me answer or comment on some of your comments....

1) I am a dead ghost. A dead man becomes a ghost. A dead ghost becomes a man....
2) I am still alive. Thank you. Still standing... barely.
3) The person that threatens to kill me in my sleep has apologise, however, I still have my good friend on standby to take the necessary action.... just in case la...

Guess my trip to Labuan was teaching me to be cool and relax. I sure need to be in that mode now. Too much event is effecting my normal routine....

On work front, all hell broke loose. This is the test, of what I am made of. Being pressured and attacked from all angles. Inside and outside. It is easier to handle the outside attack... but from inside.... it hurts... it hurts bad. August will be great month.... am I in or out!

On love issues.... guess it is normal for human to err. My love your expectation of me has been too high. No matter how much I have tried and sacrificed, it will never be enough. Thus I surrender myself to fate. Or shall we try it together? It is really tough when you think you are the only one trying so hard... and I am not. But really, am I not??

On my social life, it has been neglected too long. Bad rumors and stories circulating about me. Serve me right.... hehehe... I should have known others do not like it when someone else seems in a better position..... I love being a ghost.... human they have bad hearts.... cruel hearts... full of double standard. But again, arent we all??? Yeah including me.....

So I am still standing. A huge mop in my right hand with a pail of super detergent in my left hand. Cleaning up the shits in my life. It sure does make a bloody dirty mess, when all the shit hits the fan.... when it rain down... it sure pours......

Torn between two events and the night stalker.

Yesterday sucks! Yeah I know it was Sunday, but it sucks big time.

I was caught to be at two places at the same time. I schemed and thought of ways to split myself into two. My thinking and scheming failed miserably.

I felt like a jerk the whole day. Nothing seems right. I must have hurt a number of people. How can I tell them, there is only one of me? I know they know, but they just would not want to acknowledge!

And late at night, someone actually informed me, that that someone has been scheming to kill me in my sleep. Literally kill me. Man that keeps me awake the whole night till morning.....

Today is Monday. I am picking up yesterday's pieces. Where will I sleep tonight? I have to move on, keep on wandering..... I hate to be killed in my sleep ok?

And if I do get killed in my sleep... and you guys read it in the paper... it is true ok.... and the villain is... ermmm I already reported to my trusted friend..... just in case....

Hehehe... you guys thought I am kidding. I have known that that person wants to kill me since a few years ago, but that person never utter any threat until last night.

Sunday sucks.... and Monday... I got to move and run.....

Ha ha ha ha.....

Continuation on happenings last Friday. While I was making arrangement for my boss to go for the urgent and short noticed meeting in Pahang, he called to request me to go instead.

To cut the story short, we attended the meeting and the reason we were called was that they need a scapegoat! Hehehe.... yours truly for the first time (after many years) was caught off guard and could not comprehensively answered the allegations and questions....... In the first place, we were not supposedly be in the picture at all.......

What I think of the situation is that, maybe its time for us to be in the picture! Will request our ministry to back us up. Next time, if they blunder, they actually can blame some it on us!

Never mind, it is confusing me.... I am sure it is confusing most of you.... hahaha....

Spend the weekend taking video for a friend's wedding. I am not good at taking videos, and I do not edit them, but some of my friends will request me to take the videos anyhow..... Most probably because I do it for free!

Was transferring the video on Sunday to DVD format, cause I need to prepare for two more shoots for two consecutives weekends, when a friend accidentally off the power! I lost my mood then and decide to do it sometimes later. I wonder when?

I am in the midst of changing back to my own personal notebook, as I am returning the office notebook, because one of my manager cannot do his work without a notebook..... So that explain why I did not logon yesterday (Monday) and maybe tomorrow. What to do, the management approved the budget to purchase a new notebook, but the boss then thru his PA, informed me that the management will not be purchasing the notebook even though they already approved the budget.

Forgive me for writing senselessly. Maybe my confused state of mind......

Punah Karisma

Pada tika saat ini
Lautan badai bertiti
Detik perit hati
Hancur mengilap seri.

Mana bisa racun dusta?
Meragut denyut maya
Merintih pedih seketika
Bergegas panah asmara.

Namun masih ada
Lamunan Karisma
Ternoda di ranjang fana
Tersirat gelap gelita.

Persis di mata badai
Sebutan lemah longlai
Tertiarap terkulai
Mercu tanda kalimah
Bangun dari kerenah
Membelah hati punah.

Halilintar bergema syahdu
Halusnya hati merayu
Terbiar kelu kaku
Ratapan yang usang
Mahligai sepi gersang
Hayat terlepas pandang......

You make my day!

CASE I

I had a meeting in Precint II Putrajaya at PJH. After the meeting I wanted to go to the Immigration Department to meet up a friend. I went to the security desk for direction.

This was what I remembered he told me, it is on the opposite road, beside the Ministry of Finance. So I went to the parking lot to my car. From there I can see the MOF. Not so far I thought.

So I start walking. The weather was so hot at 2:30 pm. Crossed the road at the traffic light, I am already at the wing of MOF. By the time I reached the far end of MOF I realised the MOF building is actually very long.

To my surprise, the next building to MOF is still under construction. Well perhaps it is the next building I thought. So I walked some more. The next building is the same. Something wrong I told myself.

I finally reached the next junction of traffic lights. What I can see the building beside the traffic light, if I am not mistaken (yes I cannot remember names easily) is Kementerian Perusahaan or Hal Ehwal Dalam Negeri, but not Immigration!

So I walked back to my car. By that time I called up my friend to say that I am turning back and will meet some other day. As it turns out my friend was done at the immigration and asked me to wait by the roadside to give me a lift back to my car.

By that time I was perspiring so much. It was so hot. I was so thirsty. I did not wait and walked to my car. That day I drank one whole young coconut plus one 7 up at one go....... It cooled me. But I felt like an asshole that day.


CASE II

Went to the night market to buy some food. Saw some traders selling football jerseys. Saw one that I fancied. Asked how much? It was only for RM 20. I really like the Arsenal jersey. So I tried it on. Looks nice and fits comfortably.

The trader then confirmed the purchase. I remembered he told me, "Ok bang, saya bagi yang baru." He quickly took one that is still plastic wrapped and put it in a plastic bag. I paid and I left to buy foods.

Reached my pad, and was eager to look at my new jersey. It was the same color, but it was not Arsenal! Damn.... do I feel like an asshole!


CASE III

I was driving from Batu Caves towards Kepong. Driving within the speed limit but at the third fast lane.

As I was just about to take over a car, apparently driven by a lady. There was another red car car in-front of hers. Then suddenly without any indication or warning, she went into my lane.

I guess it was a fool's reaction, I swerved to avoid her, then braked, my car skidded, bang the railings. The railing broked and pierced the side portion of my car. Instantly I was killed!

No.. no, that was not what actually happened. It was a fool's reaction, I did swerved to avoid her, braked like mad, narrowly missed the railing. Man... you should see how my hands and leg trembled....

And the best part is, she just drove off. Oblivious that she nearly killed someone. IF YOU ARE READING THIS POST MAM, I am pleading you to stop killing your fellow drivers. Thank you.

I am an ASSHOLE!

******************** Wasteland *******************

Hives of intrinsic value
Floundering of undesired
Triumph without a clue
False desires and pride

Cringe on anonymous silliness
Barren the land we stand
Laughter in the darkness
Mongering the ravaged land

Thus who is free?
But not thee
Heart of our homeland
Free amongst friends

Why fight when you can flee?
Surrender to the avalanche
Doom in the 7^th degree
Survival in the dreaded clan

Oh monsters of heaven!
Done with your sinister plot?
Leaving me unrepentant
With tears of an old clot

Burn the chariot of clover
Relinquish power of the pauper
None but the carefree minister
In a dull senseless character
Mundane to the initial disaster
Behold the exquisite prankster!

Wishing on a tomb.

If I have the world
I would give them to you
If only I have wishes
And my wishes comes true.

If only we can love
I would love you
If only I have wishes
And my wish is to have you!

Wishing for heaven
When all I can see is fire
Even if the odds are even
We can never fulfill our desire.

How I miss the journey
Of one who is in misery
Wallowing in pity
Buried deep in the sea.

Wishing for a dead ghost
Wondering the chances
When darkness creeps
In the ebb of an applause
Deafening the grivance
Pain and silence as it seeps.......

Pain is senseless
Death is by decree
Torture for the crest
A tomb for the free!