Sacrifice of the lamb.

Do not make mistake of "Silence of the lamb".

As most Muslims celebrated the Eidil Adha, some went back to see their maker. A former president of a great country. A former God father of soul. A former dictator. And many more ....

This year in celebration of Eidil Adha my heart is heavy with sadness. Too many sacrifices ... or is it too little? But I know, it is not enough to calm this wrenched heart of mine.

Like the "Silence of the lamb" I have the notion that there are too many psychos out there. Lets us all just pray none become Lexter. For the world is at the brink of extinction. And it is indeed sad, that the majority of the population is very silent.

Basic lesson. Too much of anything is not good for anybody. My prayers to all that is being laden with the miseries of the world. Be strong as the tidal of destruction is just beginning.....

Party time!

Its party time folks.......






Does not matter what age you are or which generation. We human being will find any excuse to party! Its normal to be sad in the passing of a friend. However, was it in New Orleans, they do have a party at a wake.... full with the band playing, dancing and singing to rythm and blues? We human do not want to be sad.

Thus driven by pain and pleasure, we human despise pain and crave for pleasure. To everything there is a limit.... and some human just push everything to its limit. The majority will evade pain at all cost, and seek pleasure without boundaries...

So where will it leads us to? Most great civilisation ends when the limit or maximum has been derive. Too much of anything will destroy the gist of everything and anything which becomes nothing. (Hehehe.... do I make sense? I dunno!).

So you think I am drunk? I am sober..... but like some human being, we sometimes seeks pain. Pain when pushed to its limit, will give pleasure..... immense pleasure.

Lets have a great 2007! Push it to the limit.......

Wishes for 2007.

Obliteration of the past.

The Forced Ending.

Is this the end? An ending?

By virtue, I am only a human being. I want to live another 100 years. But do I really want to?

As the natural ending is near (It is so near, that most people do not realise it) I do have my regrets. There are still so many things that I have not done. Yet I have to be contented and blessed by a "wonderful" life.

Can I finally rest in peace? Can this old wound finally heal? I dont really know. For I never had the answer and I guess I never will.

Thus I will cease as a ghost. A ghost that hounds itself all these years. I am finally becoming a dead ghost.........

Nightmare of damnation!

I have always love chocolates. Love eating them. Very nice... very fattening. Especially those with nuts ......

So how can something I love be my nightmare? I guess not......

And yet, it was something that I love so dearly that turns my life into a nightmare. Innocent as it started. The pure physical attraction to her beauty. Yes she was different. Different from the rest of the breed. You remember, when we were young, we try hard not to be attracted to the opposite gender.

Yet she was different. It was easy to be attracted to her. At least for me. Not before long, we were an item. (I make it sounds easy, well that should be another story). Lets just say that we got the chemistry, from the day our lips met. It was one hell of a wonderful moments. Moments that only one in love can understood.

Well it took only a moment to change all that. (Again, I leave it to another day to tell the grim story). And suddenly, the world just changes. Nothing seems to be right anymore. I begin to loose all that I love. One by one gone... or I felt it that way. I really dont know what was happening at that time. All was just one huge nightmare.... over and over again. It never ends.

I was at a crossroad. Right smack in one crazy hell of a nightmare! I walked the journey of damnation alone. Nothing to be proud of, cause in a way, I am still in that journey. Even though it is nearly thirty years, the wound has not heal. The pain still sinks deep in my heart.

Am I finally approaching the end of my journey, journey fulls of nightmares and damnation? Or is it just the beginning? I really don't know ...... By now, I realise, I am not only a fool, but a blind fool! ..........

Dreams

Dreams are all I have at times. Dreams that turns into a nightmare. Yet I cannot despair. For in my journey, I must hold onto my dreams. No matter where it leads me. Now that I am near, very near to the end of my journey, will my dream comes true? I pray so and I hope so.

The years that went by. Those rocky years. The hell that We went thru. Those heart wrenching moments. From seconds it last to minutes, then hours .... it just drag on to days, weeks and then months...... and it torment Us till years later. The anguish that was prolonged. How it hurts u n me babe.....

Those feverish nights. I was lost. We were lost. The dreams of white castle was destroyed. In just a moment, a friction of less than a second, all was gone. The empire of our dreams, run chaos turns to rubbles ....

No matter how I tried, all was just a waste. Remember in that drizzling morning as I called your name? I told you never to forget me..... all was in vain. The hope. The despair.

And the nightmare begins........

Silent Night.

Have I ever wonder that I will be this way? Expect the least expected. Expect none in return. When there is nothing to return to. Hatred consume and engulf me in my wake or sleep. Vengence seems to be a child play thing.

Lets assume all this is nothing but a nightmare. Lets assume my life is just a mere dream. Then wake me up! If I am drunk, sober me. If I am a fool, maybe ... just maybe ... let me be.

Forever, seems the status of my being today. An everlasting roller coaster ride. Heck who is on control? I dunno n guess I never will? Yet... yes I know. I have argued and even go against you so many times God. Forgive me as I am only a humble object.... your object. My feeble excuse to all the filthy things I have done......

My confession? Nah.......

I pray for Your guidance. For I am lost..... I am in my journey to find myself. Your humble object shall ride the monstrous wave of eternity .. in the hope .... to find himself. Do not let me go from your embrace my God......